bethsblog

Zodiasol

I've spent the better part of a year working on this mixed media piece, which combines a Japanese parasol, tissue paper collage, glitter, gold ink, watercolor, acrylic, spray paint, string, little colored stars and beads. A huge departure from my usual traditional watercolor paintings, it combines my love of design, drawing, painting, astronomy, and of course, glitter! Finally it's done. It's about time because there's a show I want to enter it in next week: The 70th Annual Regional Art Competition to be held at the Muskegon Museum of Art.

This is the top view of Zodiasol. I had hard time controlling focus and glare on the video, but I wanted to show the star patterns that accompany each zodiac image.

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"Fun, fun!"

Thanks for standing by me.

This morning Sara sent me this video. Watch it and get ready to grab the hankie. After what I've been through during the past couple months, health-wise, it really says it all. There's information on how it was made here.

Thanks to all of you who have stood by me with their prayers, hugs, chauffering, pep talks, encouraging phone calls and emails, home-made "happy songs"cd's, polka dot blankets, babysitting me when I was feeling psycho, and countless trips to the pharmacy and grocery. Multiple gold stars go to my amazing and devoted husband.

Today is a landmark day. It's been 8 weeks since my endocrine "crash" and finally I can get blood work to see how my thyroid levels are doing. The slightly lesser dose of Klonopin that I have been on for 6 days is controlling anxiety without making me dopey. I am sleeping well and doing what I want to do when I want to do it (except for driving).

Last night we returned from a 5 day trip to Nashville. It was a lot of work and a lot of fun and a lot of walking in the hot sun and I got through it! I am high-fiving myself all over the place today, because undertaking a trip like that would have been impossible a couple weeks ago... so I am definitely better!

Today I'm working on a blog album and video clips of the trip. Hopefully, I'll have them posted in a few days.

In the mean time, here's one of my best shots:

Cassidy and Sophia at Opryland Resort

"Breathe."

7 Dwarfs

I have been feeling really Sleepy* and totally Dopey**, in fact, downright Grumpy*** for the past several days and have been wondering if it might be okay to start taking a little less of my anti-anxiety medication. Never one to be Bashful, I called my Psychiatric Doc, and he agreed that I could experiment with a very slight dose reduction. I am so Happy! Now I won't be in such a fog this weekend when  I head down to Nashville TN, to visit Sara, who is all settled in to her adorable new house. I'm also planning to attend the Nashville Half-Marathon starring my son-in-law Stephen and two of Sara's good friends, Anne and Carmen. During the race I'm looking forward to frolicking with Amy and the grand-kids in the nearby park. While I had my doctor on the line, I asked him if it's okay for me to use my Nasacort (it might make me a bit jittery), since the pollen season has begun, and it's bound to be worse down south. He said that would be fine... so now I will no longer be Sneezy!

*falling asleep in my chair at 8 p.m.
**walking around in a fog half the day, trying not to trip
     over my own feet.
***in a foul mood on account of * and **.

"Breathe."

Biloxi Blue in her New Home

Remember that beautiful mini-rhodendron that I got from my parents-in-law as a combo get well/happy Easter gift? Well, yesterday
she got planted.

She's pretty darned cute.
So is the gardener!

Happy Spring!

One of the saddest things...

... is to meet an absolutely wonderful woman... a woman who easily befriends you... extends herself warmly and cheerfully the first time you meet... and you are thrilled at the possibility of becoming life-long friends. But sadly, this wonderful woman is also engaged in a fight for her life with cancer. And it becomes clear that the hoped for life-long friendship will be brief and punctuated with many setbacks and obstacles for her... sapping her energy and strength for anything but the briefest of times together.

But those brief times together are precious... joyous... filled with her unbridled sense of humor and optimism in spite of grueling realities that would put many people into an isolated, hopeless, bitter place. But not Annie. In spite of her desperate situation, she remained hopeful, loving, and encouraging. And even though I knew her for only a few short months, I felt like I really knew her and she truly cared about me. When I would call or visit, she was always the first to ask how I was.

Annie Galvin died early this morning... peacefully... surrounded by her loving husband and children. I am so grateful for the short time I was able to know her. I am comforted in the assurance that she is absolutely out of pain and suffering.

And in the heavens today there is a new star with her name on it.

Thank you robtri93 for the video.

"Peace."

Doctor's Orders

Saw my wonderful psychiatrist Dr. Vasquez, today and here is the upshot:

"Stay on the current dose of Klonopin for one more month.
By then your thyroid levels will hopefully be normalized.
At that point we will reevaluate your anxiety medication needs.
Keep working with your therapist on anxiety management techniques.
Resume all normal activities as energy level permits, except:
No driving.
No bike riding.
No alcohol or caffeine.
You may resume your teaching in May... working back into it slowly.
You can definitely go to Nashville* weekend after next, if you pace yourself and don't let yourself get too tired.

Quote of the day from Dr. V:
"You are not a machine, you are a human being. Be patient... recovering from an anxiety disorder takes time and I expect that by summertime you will be as good as new."

Naturally, things are not progressing as fast as I would like (any magic wands out there?) but the doctor was extremely pleased with my progress and said that I am doing much better than he expected. I'll take it.

* a long-planned extended-family trip, the main event being the Nashville Half-Marathon, in which my son-in-law Stephen will be participating.

"Breathe."

Hoping it's time to taper.

It's been two weeks since I started Klonopin, to treat a (hopefully temporary) case of generalized anxiety disorder. And it really works. Almost too well. Tomorrow I am seeing my psychiatrist and will ask if it's okay to start tapering the medication. I've been on a therapeutic dose of levothyroxine for 6 weeks now... (the dose I was on before I became severely hypothyroid on Armor Thyroid) my thyroid levels should be getting close to normal, (can't get official blood work for two more weeks though.) so I'm hoping that the anxiety that was resulting from being hypo is fading on its own, allowing the Doc to decrease the Klonopin.

I haven't had any major anxiety flares for over a week now, only a few minor ones which are manageable with my handy mind-over-matter tools.

But over the past few days, I am increasingly noticing symptoms that may indicate I'm over-medicated:

groggy/sleepy most of the time
needing a nap almost every afternoon
falling asleep in my chair at 9 p.m.
mentally sluggish/forgetful
muscular weakness and slow reaction time
clumsy and a little off balance
emotionally flat

I am not able to drive or teach while on this level of medication. I am being very careful around the house so as not to have any accidents... I carefully pay attention while going down stairs, pouring hot tea... stuff like that. And no quick maneuvers like standing up quickly from lying down.

So tomorrow I'm hoping that I get the word that I can start taking less. Klonopin has to be tapered very gradually or the symptoms it was prescribed to treat, will come back with a vengeance. I am prepared to be as patient with this process as is required. And above all I am trying to...

"Breathe."

A happy Easter was had.

Sara was here and she was a wonderful breath of fresh air.
We had a marathon session watching Pushing Daisies on DVD.
Sara helped me get together an Easter feast of ham and broccoli and cheesy potatoes.
We ate our fair share of Reese's peanut butter eggs.
And my parents-in-law sent me a lovely get-well rhododendron.
All in all it was a beautiful weekend.
And I am feeling a little bit better every day.

"Breathe."

Easter Parade

Happy Easter!
Happy Spring!

Passing for Normal

The good news is that for about half of every day, for the past few days, I've been back in my normal routine... eat, exercise, make art, get dinner prep together, put in a load or two of laundry... stuff like that. Just the pace is a little slower, I can't drive, and I have to be really careful not to bump into furniture or trip over my own feet because Klonopin makes me a little dizzy. But don't get me wrong... I'm sooo grateful to not be climbing the walls with anxiety.

At about 3 p.m. every day, I need to sack out for about an hour. And I have never in my life been a napper. Might be the Klonopin, or fact that I'm still a little hypothyroid (this should normalize in the next few weeks), or the fact that my body has been through quite an ordeal from which I am still recovering... or all of the above... In any case, the naps are luxurious and I'll take 'em while they last.

The very good  news is that Sara, my Nashville daughter, is driving up to spend the Easter weekend with us. She promises to bring a few chick-flicks and make us a scrumptious Easter dinner; which I am really looking forward to now that I have my appetite back.

YUM!