bethsblog

Progress

Just a brief update to let you know that I saw a wonderful neurologist/psychiatrist today, Dr. Vasquez, who evaluated hypothyroidism/anxiety situation and changed my medication to one that should work much better for me until my thyroid levels normalize in a few more weeks. (Klonopin) He says I should expect a full recovery and will eventually be back to my normal self.

In the meantime, he asked me to keep things as low-stress as possible while I am healing and adjusting to the new medication.

I am hoping to be well enough to take a long-planned trip to visit Sara in Nashville at the end of April. The doctor says that if all goes well he sees no problem with that.

For those of you who have prayed, sent positive thoughts on my behalf, and left encouraging comments I am grateful.

I am working hard to keep a positive attitude about all of this too. I will keep you posted as things continue to improve.

Now back to my feet up mode.

Slow and steady wins the race.

"Breathe."

More of the same.

Not sure if it's a bug, or allergies, or a reaction to trying to taper off Ativan... or a little bit of all of the above, but I felt pretty crappy on and off all weekend and am still under the weather today. Waiting for my doctor to call later today.

In the mean time I'm in "pamper me" mode.

Posting will  be light this week, unless I have something besides more of the same to report.

I'm pretty sick of being sick.

"Breathe."

Happy First Day of Spring!

This of one of a set of 4 seasonal cross-stitch samplers, sewn by my mom in the early 1950's. All 4 of them hung in my childhood bedroom, then for several years in our various apartments and after that for many years in our own children's bedrooms. They spent some time at my sister's house in my nephew's room. When he grew too old for them they came back to me. Now, one cross-stitch always hangs by my patio door to mark the changing seasons.

Though it's still nippy here up in Michigan, I'm thinkin' spring!

"Breathe."

To make matters worse...

...now I have a nasty head cold. Which makes this injunction a bit more difficult:

"Breathe."

detox

What to do when the side effects of a prescription medication are the same as symptoms it is designed to tame, and the withdrawal symptoms are more intense versions of those very same symptoms?

Yikes!

I'm talking about ativan, which I desperately needed three weeks ago when I could barely function due to uncontrollable anxiety... but now that my thyroid levels are normalizing, I'm needing it less and less.

So, under doctors' supervision, I'm slowly tapering ativan. Don't want those vicious withdrawal symptoms to come back and bite me.

I also quit the doctor who prescribed it in the first place. As of  Monday, I have a new primary care physician; highly recommended by my pharmacist and a good friend who is a pediatrician. My first impression of my new Doc was excellent. He's unhurried and thorough, he listens, he knows and works closely with my new endocrinologist in Grand Rapids, and is willing to help high-maintenance me to get back to normal. And off that nasty ativan.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that my old doctor was just not that smart about pharmaceuticals... she should have known that such a low a dose of Armour Thyroid, considering the fact that I have virtually no thyroid function of my own, would never be enough, and could make me dangerously hypothyroid, which is exactly what happened. Then when I crashed, and required anti-anxiety medication she (appropriately) prescribed ativan, but last week, when I called her, complaining that the ativan was making me weepy and depressed, she wanted to put me on an antidepressant! Her solution: just throw more meds at the problem! But she clearly doesn't know how to get you off them once you no longer need them.

Before I knew it I'd be right smack in the middle of this song.

Go ask Alice.

"Breathe"

Hangin' in there.

Over the weekend we were in Ann Arbor celebrating Sophia's 4th birthday and attending a dance concert which featured our daughter, Amy,  performing a couple of her original songs. (Amy's a tall, slender drink of water with the face and voice of an angel. She was utterly beautiful in every way!)

It was a very busy weekend with lots of visiting with extended family and rushing here and there to get to various events. Since I'm still not quite up to snuff, it was a challenge keeping up with all the activity, but I got through it. 

I sure am glad I went, though. I was really missing my granddaughters. They loaded me up with lots of great snuggles and hugs. Thanks girls. Grama is feeling better and better every day.

"Breathe."

This makes me smile.

This was a very special event... taking Miss Sophia ice skating for the very first time a few weeks ago!  Thanks Amy for the picture. You made my day!

"Breathe"

Breathe

Yesterday I decided that I need to dump my '09 post closer:
Don't Panic.

In light of recent health events, the mere typing of the phrase creates a certain level of angst and triggers bad memories of the gut wrenching panic I actually experienced two weeks ago.

The good news is I am feeling much, much better. My thyroid levels are gradually normalizing, and I look forward to getting off the beta blocker and the anti-anxiety medication prescribed to hold me together until my endocrine system recovers. (They tend to leave me a little "drunk": like a martini 3 times a day without the pleasure of an olive.)

What I am focusing on now is the affirmative, adopting an intention of healing in body, mind and spirit.

Eat, Sleep, Move, Breathe.

So for now I'm picking this word to the wise to use as my new closer:

"Breathe"

Rewind... revisited

This post was originally published on May 19, 2008. It made me smile then. It still makes me smile:

Yesterday, I dusted our bedroom. On our headboard there are 3 Mme. Alexander Little Women Dolls, circa 1960, primly starched and pressed... their costumes complete with pinafores, pantaloons, petticoats and tiny Mary Jane slippers. As I dusted under the Beth doll, one of the shoes fell off. Gary, standing nearby, saw me retrieve and replace the shoe on Beth's little foot. "Dolly shoe"! He exclaimed... triggering my word-association rewind button.

"Remember when our kids were little, and while eating a bowl of Chex cereal, they'd occasionally find a pair of conjoined pieces, which they always called "dolly pants"?

...because that's exactly what they looked like.

 

"Breathe"

Still not quite 100%

So my blogging juices still aren't flowing. I'm adjusting to my new thyroid medication a little slower than I had hoped and I'm a bit doped up on beta blockers to keep anxiety at bay. This all sucks pretty much, but must admit that I'm feeling much better than I a week ago. I just have to be patient and keep things in perspective.

 So for the next few days, unless some sort of miraculous inspiration hits, I thought that republishing bits and pieces from few of my old posts might be helpful.

January 30, 2007
Worry

Last night was a night full of dreams. Dreams fueled by worry. Gary had them too.

In the morning, we lay in bed for a while and talked about our dreams. We decided we are both worried. Worried about loved ones who are far away and facing various challenges in health and life.

A great sage instructed us not to worry. He said that worry doesn’t add a single day to our life.

Now I count myself a bit of a mystic and a bit of a skeptic. Still I hope that prayers, positive thoughts, and healing energies have effects that we cannot quantify.

So we held each other and prayed in silence that all would be well. Then we got up and went our merry ways.

"Don't panic."