I wanted to report to my readers that I'm recovering gradually from the endocrine meltdown I had last weekend. On account of stupidity and a mini-God complex, I ended up with an absolutely terrifying 48 hr. panic attack. Had I consulted my doctor sooner, it might have been averted, but I was deeply convinced that I was capable of self-medicating, and the more screwed up my brain chemistry got, the more "omniscient" I became.
If only I had just gotten off my high horse long enough to pay attention to the signs... like when about every two weeks for the past 3 months it was obvious that my body was not settling into this medication. Each time my symptoms: insomnia, pounding heartbeat and a constant metallic taste in my mouth, became unbearable, I requested a dose adjustment and surprisingly, my doctor complied. In the end, without her knowledge, and armed with 3 different doses of Armour, I began desperately adjusting my own dose every few days, determined to make it work.
The tipping point came when I started to get really irrational... manic... a function of totally unbalanced thyroid levels, and adrenal overload, and imagined that all my symptoms, (thanks internet!) were from my estrogen. So a week ago Tuesday I unilaterally decided to quit Premarin cold-turkey. Four days later, after a 3-day adrenalin induced high that was truly amazing, I crashed. Hard.
Now that I have come to my senses, I am truly humbled and ashamed... and embarrassed.
Monday at noon, I will be doing what I should have done when it started to be obvious that neither my doctor, nor I really knew what was going on with the Armour Thyroid.
I'll be seeing a highly recommended endocrinologist who's an expert in combined T4/T3 protocols. (Like Armour Thyroid.) A good friend who is a thyroid cancer survivor sees him, my massage therapist who had benign thyroid nodules sees him, and my pharmacist thinks this endo's just about the best thing since sliced bread. I have waited this long to ask for a referral because I really really believed that I could figure it out on my own and I didn't want to spend a lot of money on a fancy doctor and a bunch of fancy lab work. (Our sucky health insurance has a $7000 deductible.) Plus, inconveniently, the endo doc is located in Grand Rapids, an hour's drive from here.
So I guess I got, as they say, my comeuppance . Just think; if I'd done the right thing, while I was still in my right mind, I would have saved hours of anguish for my husband and family, not to mention the couple thousand bucks, which is what that call to 911and the half-day in the ER will cost.
This is a whole different level of live and learn than I have ever experienced. But since I'm still battling waves of nausea from all the crow I've been eating, along with minor aftershocks of anxiety every few hours, I guess the best thing for me to do is make my sincere apologies to my family, my doctor and the Universe and quit beating myself up. It's time, once again, do what I know how to do: take good care of me... breathe, eat healthy food, drink plenty of water, and move (very slowly and gently for now). Above all I need to carefully and respectfully listen; not only to my body and my brain, (which, I learned, can't be trusted when chemistry goes awry) but also to those more knowledgeable than I, whose opinion I trust and who have my best interest at heart. And above all:
